Adios, whatcha-call it decade

New Year’s Eve has come, and with it another decade has passed.  We humans put a lot of emphasis on markers such as years, decades, centuries, but if you really think about it these things mean nothing on a universal scale.  Nothing special happens throughout the universe every December 31.  The stars don’t align perfectly, we don’t experience an intergalactic rift.  All across the universe it is just another day, or whatever measurement people on other planets use.  Yet, here on planet Earth it is a time of celebration, and reflection, a time to evaluate and take inventory of our lives.

A decade is a long time, at least to me.  Maybe I will say different when I have reached 80.  Maybe it feels such a long time  because this was the most significant decade of my life.  This was the decade I came of age, the decade I became a father, the decade that not only changed my life, but also everyone else in the world.

Ten years ago, I had not given thought to being a father or husband, nor to how hard it is to make ends meet, or how important it is to buy your first house.  Ten years ago, all I was concerned with was what the next day would bring.  I was 16,  I had a job at the mall, I was doing well at school, I had a girlfriend that I spent every waking moment with, I had a car that I was paying for, I used the word “I” a lot back then.  I couldn’t wait to go out into the world and change how it was ran.  And if that didn’t work out, at least I would have a chance to be on my own for a while, to experience the walk of life I chose.  Little did I know what that bitch destiny had in store for me.

11 months into the decade I found out I was going to be a father, and that began the wheels of change.  Since then, well lets just say its been a learning experience.  I have had ups and downs, struggles and triumphs.  I did manage to get my high school diploma, and go to what I thought was a legit trade school.  Both of which have got me nowhere.  My marriage has survived a breakup, and several disasters.  Watching my eldest son grow, I now know why people say “you are growing up so fast”.  Watching my youngest grow, I know why they say “the right thing to do isn’t always the easiest thing to do.”  I dedicated 6 years of this decade to a dead-end job, and now feel I have put 3 more into another.  I have given my family somewhat more of a stable environment than what I had, so I got that going my way.

Bottom line, I have made some good calls and some bad calls.  I have also developed the ability to learn from both.  If there is one thing I could tell myself 10 years ago is:  Life isn’t like one of those books where you turn to page 37 if you do this or to page 110 if you do this(when in reality you peak to see what you want).  You are stuck with your choices, and all to often there is no going back.

THIS IS MY WARCRY!!

For the sake of privacy and keeping myself out of trouble (more the second than the first), the party I am addressing will from this point on will be called Mrs. Rottencrotch.

Dear Mrs. Rottencrotch,

When I first saw you I did not know to loathe you. I now know some 2 years later that I dont just loathe you, you are possibly the second most reprehensible person I have crossed paths with.  The first being the low life piece of shit that you somehow sunk low enough to share your pathetic life with for the last 5 years.  No, I am not doing this to make your life as hard as possible (as you have done to my wife, son, and myself for the last 2 years), as much as it is to get the truth out in the open before you trample over it even more.

First lets start with the part I am most familiar with.  The man you have lived with for the last 5 years is an alcoholic, drug addict, child abuser, and child molester.  On top of that he should also be locked up for perjury, because he lied under oath about all of the above.  I know according to him, his family and you, its lies, all lies.  But, it is not a lie.  I can not count the nights that I have had to comfort my wife after she wakes up from a dream where she is trying to run from him.  I was there when she heard that all her sisters had been molested by him.  The tears she cries are the type you cannot make up.  It’s real, and my heart aches every time she cries those tears.

Though, this is not about him, it is about you.  I know more about you than you think I know.  I know you also lied under oath.  You lied after placing your hand on the bible of my faith, and swore on the name of my God that you would tell the truth, and you lied after that.  No, I am not going to tell you what I know, you will find that out soon enough.  You have had 4 children taken away from you in 3 different states, this much you admit to.  You know after the first 2, I would say “maybe its me”, but not you.  You keep on blaming your fuck ups on the government, or the men in your life, or the radiation off of satellites (ok I made that one up, but it would not surprise me).  So you keep on making the same mistakes and precious, innocent lives are forever broken because of you.

Yet, there is hope for one of those lives, isn’t there?  And this is where our paths have crossed.  2 years and 2 months ago I got a call at work informing me that my wife had a little brother, and he needed a family.  Without even blinking an eye I knew I had been told that I was a daddy again.  So we get him, and the laundry list of conditions that you caused.  No, not problems he inherited from you(we’ll get to that in a bit), but that you caused by not taking care of him in the womb.  He was in a hospital bed clinging to life while you and your alcoholic boyfriend went out on the town.  He never knew a mothers touch, never got a hug, had never been tickled until he came to live with us.  This is because of you.  If were stable enough to be a mother, you would have been there for him.  You would have never have put a man before your child.

So we got him, and guess what?  We soon find out has a detachment disorder. WOW, you mean a baby who never had a mother that loved him has problems learning how to love and trust other people?  Of course he does. Two years of  worrying, hard work, and unconditional love (thats the kind of love parents have) have paid off, we are a family and I am his father and he is my son.

Then there was the trial(you know, the one where 12 of your peers decided that you two were not fit to raise a dog much less a child).  You and your significant other hung yourselves on the stand.  Your defense WAS the prosecution.  Let me tell you, you sure chose a winner for a co-defendant.  I mean, who wouldn’t want a guy who has to be dragged into court drunk?  All the time you and he were on the stand, all I heard was anger, never once did I hear a word of remorse or sadness.  I know if one of my boys were taken from me, I would cry everyday until I got them back.  You look at this baby as a piece of property, not a living being.  The only defense you and your live-in could come up with was “He’s ours, he belongs with us”.  Blood doesn’t make a family, Mrs. Rottencrotch, love does.  And, in the Wolfe household there is always plenty of that to go around.

I dont blame you for not loving him, I mean how could a person who was never loved be expected to love another?  And that is where your problems really started wasn’t it, Mrs. Rottencrotch?  You have went from man to man all your life looking for the love you had lacked all your life.  When you couldn’t find that love from a man, you decided that a child might give you that feeling.  Yet, you will never know that feeling because one can not love a person who doesn’t love theirselves.  And, believe me, you have got along way to go before you can do that.  You obviously have some sort of mental illness, Mrs. Rottencrotch, and maybe are mildly retarded.

I know this because MY son has possible disorders, but we are properly handling the medical  procedures.  That brings me to the final point, the entire reason I decided to write this warning.  You have decided to try to make it to where we can not take him to the doctor, by putting him on your own insurance policy, you have caused his Medicaid to be rejected.  That worked for about a day, but we got that straightened out.  You have been reported to your healthcare company for fraud.  Good luck with that.  You see, Medicaid or not, this little boy will get the care that he needs.  I will make sure of it.  I will work 3 jobs, get 5 mortgages on my house (yes, people actually buy houses, not just rent),  and  sell all my earthly possessions before I would let him go with out the things he needs.  This is what a father does, this is what a parent does.

As I hinted earlier this is a warning.  I know you made your little “appeal” in the courts, but let’s get one thing clear.  You are not dealing with a scared little lonely girl, as you and him once thought.  That little girl has grown up to be the best mother I know.  And with her, you get me.  You want a fight, you’ve got one. No one messes with my family.  And MY family does not let anyone mess with the children of this family.  You have no one.  You have brought a knife to a gunfight.  We will not lay down, We will not slowly fade into the night, We will fight you on all fronts.  And we will win  because we have several things that you dont.  Among them are the best interests of this child, and The Truth.

You want a war, GAME ON!

Sincerely,

Hollie Wolfe III

P.S. As you see, I don’t hide behind anonymity.

Looks Like a Hard Candy Christmas

At the Wolfe household.  NO,sorry Cameron, there won’t be any hookers here.  Well, maybe not a hard candy Christmas, but more of a “back to basics: Christmas.  Now, dont go worrying, the boys have got plenty of presents coming.  We are just getting back to basics this year.

It’s the first Christmas in OUR first house, so we are making some traditions.  Rachael and the boys are going to make all the decorations this year.  Were going to decorate the tree ON Thanksgiving night, just like when we were kids.  We are actually going to have Christmas at our house this year(yes, no lugging toys around the great state of  Texas).  Nothing fancy, just a Very Wolfe Christmas.  We went and bought a real christmas tree today, and can’t wait for Thanksgiving to watch the parade and pig out watching football.  My big little brothers coming up, hopefully.  Im going to read the boys the real Christmas story on Christmas Eve(Apparently Rudolph and the misfit toys werent involved with the first Christmas.  Were just going to try to enjoy each other and have a good time.

Until next time,

Happy Holidays Merry Christmas!!!!

Words of a Heretic(or Your Not The Boss of Me)

It seems as if we can’t go a day without hearing about Islamic Extremists in our mists.  We’ve all heard how Islam is a violent religion, and how they won’t stop attacking us until either we are all dead or they are.  Preachers give sermons on how they are out to destroy the Christian way.   We’ve all been caught up in post 9/11 hysteria out of fear and anger.  On the other hand, I believe that it is time we start to see how much like that WE are becoming.

Listen to any evangelical preacher give a sermon, and you’ll hear him say that we are to suit up our armor and do our duty as Christian Soldiers.  They all say that war has been waged on Christianity and that we are to fight tooth and nail.  Aiming their message at everything and everyone from Muslims to Homosexuals.  They claim that 9/11 happened because of how America is turning gay, and come short of saying they all should be burned at the stake.  They treat any other faith as godless heathens, and that our way of life is the only one that should be.  They preach their message every Sunday, and more and more people are buying it, believing that this is what Jesus would have us do.

If Jesus were here today, I believe that if walked into one of these churches he would blow up as he did in the Temple in Jerusalem.  Jesus tought us to spread love, tolerance, and understanding.  All these preachers are doing is spreading a message of hate.  You will not convert people out of fear, but out of showing people living the Christian life does have rewards.  Instead of asking people “do you have jesus in your heart?’ maybe you should ask yourself the  same thing.  Instead of asking people “Are you going to heaven?”  ask yourself “How do I know I am going to heaven. “

Yes, the bible does say that homosexuality is a sin, and that there is only one god.  Yet, drunkenness is a sin, and how many people of the cloth are alcoholics?  Child molestation is a sin, and you still let them preach(and no, all child molesters are not gay.).  Murder is a major sin, and you still minister to them in the prisons.  So drunks, child molesters, and murders are going to heaven, but if you have an uncontrollable hormone making you attracted to the wrong person, you are going top hell?  No, my fellow Christians, this is not what MY lord wants.  He would have us open our doors to these people, welcoming and un-judging. he would also have us respect people of other religions.  If  we are hateful to our neighbors, why would they ever want to come to our church?  If we go to their homeland and start a war(justified or not), tear up their infrastructure, and then leave, why would they ever want to live in peace with us?

Unorthodox ways of life are not the reason bad things happen.  God does not make bad things happen because of a certain group of people.  Bad people make bad things happen.    Our choices determine what will happen.  God gave us free will, it is up to us what we do with it.  In sunday school, you are encouraged to memorize bible verses.  This is another trick these false prophets use.  They say that they bible is our best weapon, do you honestly think that Jesus would have us use what is suppose to be his words as a weapon?  No, in contrast he would have us use it as a bandage.  The preachers I am talking about will take a sentence here and there out of the bible to make you feel he knows what the bible says.  The reality is those bits and pieces are taken out of context, and the next verse or chapter will contradict that.  One thing the bible does say is that we should beware of the false prophets.  We should not follow the bible by the word, but by the spirit of the message.  After all, this is a book written by man, not by the Devine.

As I stated earlier, we all have free will.  We can all start listening to our hearts, or just keep listening to people who are no better than us in the eyes of the Lord.  No, I am not saying we should stop going to church, but question why we should be there.  Should we be there to hear other people shouldn’t live, or should we be there to hear how we can live a more Christ like life?  If it remains like it is now, all you will eventually have is The United Church of Hypocrisy.  We all need to take more responsibility.  We all need to spend more time searching our souls, and less time listening to someone tell us what we believe.

Nothing

I really need to write about something, but nothing has pissed me off since I deleted the talk radio station off my radio….. so I’ll just say Good luck and Godspeed till something does.

Twisting Turning Through the Never

In this twisted nether we call life, I have definitely found myself in some dark places, as I am sure everyone else has.  In these times, I tend to let the darkness overtake us, until I an not really the person I truly am.  I forget about everything I have, everyone I have, and everything I have achieved.  All I want to do is subside further into the darkness, forsaking everything and everyone.  I do this even though I have seen how a person who does this ends up: sad, alone, and when you realize what you’ve done its too late.  I even pledged to myself that I wouldn’t end up like that.  And after every time I come out of the darkness, I tell myself I will never slip again, but sure enough I do.

This time was bad.  I was hurdling toward the edge and almost made it.  But yet again the good lord offered a way back to myself.  This time there is no mistaking someone is looking out for me.  I don’t mean to get like that, but I still do.  As good I am on commentating on people’s lives, and reading into things, I can’t seem to figure mine out.  But all I can say for sure is in the darkest hour there is always light, you just have too look for it, or have someone turn your head for you.  I thank God for the people in my life, they truly are my saving grace.  As many trials and tribulations I have put them through, they still refuse to let me take that dive.

Its funny, just about everything we see on T.V., or read is about appreciating what you have, and not taking it for granted.  No matter how many times we see this, we still take it all for granted and get dissatisfied with it.  But as for now, I know exactly how blessed I am. So, here is to this never happening again.  Here’s to hoping this one soul is strong enough not to stray from what I know right now.  Here’s to living a life in the Light, and condemning the darkness that threatens us all.  Here’s to being the person everyone hopes I am.  Let all the negativity of the past be cleansed, and start this life anew.  For in this moment I am happy, and humbled.  And from what I understand about spirituality, that is when the most good is done through you.

To those of you, you know who you are, thank you.

Time Moves On

We all have seen it on our T.V.s, hundreds of angry people lining up to do everything they can to disrupt congressmen trying to explain or debate the new health care plan.  They say they are exercising their freedom of speech and right to protest, and no one should be able to make them stop.  In a way they are right, we all have the fundamental right to protest.  But, you see, “they” can stop you.  When you exercising your right intrudes upon other peoples rights, the law has an obligation to come in and stop you.  What these people are doing is un-American, because instead of stimulating a healthy debate, they are causing near mob riots.

Another thing you  hear the pundits from the right saying is how this administration is trying to stamp out the American way of life, trying to kill the America you grew up in.  They say that if this continues, we will all be living under a Communist regime, and have no civil liberties.  Listening to the Limbaughs, Hannitys, Levins, and Ingrahams you would think the current administration and congress pulled a coup d’etat over night and now are in power.  The thing is, though, 53% of us voted this administration into office.  This tells me that the majority of the country wants something done about the way things work in this country.  No, this is not the same America we all grew up in, it is a different America.

This is a changing country, one with a constitution that allows change when the times call for it.  143 years ago, when this country was founded, things were different.  We didn’t know hardly anything of most the cultures of the world, practically none of the science we know now, and did not have such a wide understanding of what a  human being  was.  Our four fathers did, however, know they didn’t know everything and made it to where we could change our laws.  Otherwise, this would not be much of a democracy.

You know there was too a time , a while back, when thousands pf people flooded the streets “protesting” that government was trying to take away their American way of life, crushing the America they grew up in.  Yet, the administration pushed on with its goal, never forgetting those who voted them in.  Every time they would gain some ground on their bill, all they would get was heavy push back from the opposition including riots, lynchings, and assassinations.  Yet , eventually, President Johnson signed into law the Civil Rights act of 1964.

Millions of people were against this piece of legislation, but that did not make them right. And I don’t think that there is a SANE AND DECENT person alive in this country would say that passing this piece of legislation was a wrong move made by the Kennedy and Johnson administrations.  Yet, at the time millions were against it.  27 senators voted against it, and 130 congressmen voted against it.  There were riots, families threatened, children killed, and good men assassinated.  The easy thing to do would be to just leave it for somebody else to do another day.  But, these men could not live with themselves if they did that.  They fought for this, for a decade they fought for this.  Many of these men lost their reputation, but they would rather lose that than their self-decency.

And the same is going on now.  Health care was one of the platforms the people in power ran on, and Americans voted them into office on it.  They did not take over the government, and thy didn’t just all of a sudden change their way of thinking.  They are doing what the majority elected them to do.  Yes, there are a lot of people that disagree, the people who didn’t vote for them.  That is why we have to work together, not just complain.  Maybe if the senators, governors, and congressmen would take a stand on what know is right, and not what the radio hosts think is right, we could get something done.

Right now there are millions of people against letting everyone having health coverage, mainly because they are AFRAID of losing their coverage and way of life.  I would be too if the people I am suppose to trust keep using scare tactic to get me to vote for them.  Fear politics have got to stop.  Just because people are trying to adjust the law to the times does not make those people Communists and Nazis.  We must come together and COMPROMISE to get anything done.  You can’t go on national TV saying the things you say about people and expect the same  people to work with you the next day.  But if we change this and try work together,maybe  in 20 or 30 years we will wonder how could anyone be against letting everyone see a doctor when they are sick.

Woe is NOLA

Well friends, the fourth anniversary of Katrina is upon us, and I have but one thing to say: so the fuck what!  You won’t here that is the 14th year since the Oklahoma City bombing, or the 17th year since Hurricane Andrew, or the 18th year since the FIRST World Trade Center attack, yes there were two.  Oh yeah you might here in passing that its was the anniversary, but they do not get anywhere near the air time the Katrina does.

I understand that 2,000 people died, and hundreds of thousands were displaced, but It wasn’t just people in New Orleans, people in Mississippi, Texas, Georgia and Florida lost everything also.  How much do you hear about these poor souls?  Nothing.  An I hate to play the race card, but all the media is concerned with is how it affected poor black people.  Plenty of whites and Hispanics lost there homes too, and don’t get anywhere near the resources that people in New Orleans do.  I lived in Houston at the time, and we did everything possible to help the evacuees from our neighboring state.  In return, all we got was complaints that we weren’t doing enough, and a significant rise in crime.

Don’t get me wrong, I voted for Obama, but the people blaming this on the Bush administration are wrong.  My entire time growing up, evacuations, and safety precautions were set up by the local and state government, not federal.  The only time  know that the federal government comes in is when the Governor calls for it.  The federal government shouldn’t have to step in for every little hurricane that comes our way.  Also, lets not forget a little thing called personal responsibility.  Every time a hurricane has hit Texas, we all new we better get to a place that is high and dry.  These people had a lot of chances to get out, but opted not to, and cry about it afterwards.

In the summer of 2001, tropical storm Allison flooded Houston, and we lost everything we had.  My wife almost gave birth in the flood water, and we were with out lights for over a week.  We were at a point to where we had our life back together with in a month.  It has taken these people 4 years. Just this last year, Hurricane Ike damn near demolished Galveston and Houston.  A year later there are still some signs, but everything is up and running.  You don’t see a week long news series on that.

If you ask me, the state and local governments of Louisiana are to blame.  The people I have encountered from the storm are much different than what I am accustom to.  I have met several who are used to working 3 days a week, and the government takes care of the rest.  The test scores in HISD went down so much that they had to separate the Katrina testers and the native Houston testers.  You can’t expect much of people if the local government says its ok to fail, we will take care of it.  What the government doesn’t give you, you can go out and steal.

And the levies?  Yeah they broke.  On the other hand the state of Louisiana had been given federal money to fix them years before, but instead they used that money to build parks with.

This is an unpredictable world, and bad things do happen.  What we do after those things happen is what defines us.  We can get up off our butts and get tings moving, or we can set around wallowing in self pity.  It is time we start focusing on the communities who pull together and get things done by themselves, for in the end all we have is ourselves and our neighbors.  We can depend on no one else.

Please, Mr. Limbaugh, May I Go To The Doctor?

I can count on my hand the number of times I was seen by a doctor as a child.  All of those times though, my mother took me to Ben Taub Hospital’s ER.  Every time it was at least a 7 hour wait, and then another 2 hour processing to leave.  On top of that, there was a $700 bill every time we went there.  That is why we only went when we felt like we were knocking at deaths door.  One time we went there, and the doctor said my bad sore throat would go away.  Two days later, I couldn’t move my neck so we went back and it turns out my tonsil had almost abscessed into my neck.  The doctor then said if I wouldn’t have come in then, it could have been fatal.  I only went to dentist twice when I was a child, both times my teeth were hurting so bad, I was rolling on the floor. The same was for my two brothers.

Did my mother not care about us?  No, she loved us very much, and would cry every time we were in pain.  Did neither of my parents have ajob? No, they actually mad a solid lower middle class incomes.  Then why did we receive so little health care?   They never had employers that offered insurance.  They could not afford the $500 minimal monthly premiums that insurance company’s charge.  My parents worked hard every day, and still could not go to the doctor when they got sick, much less us.

Yet, I turned out ok. right?  Well, yes I did, but I can’t say the same about my brother.  From age 2, my brother suffered from sever asthma.  He was hospitalized several times for it, and in the end he didn’t pull thru.  Eventually my mom was able to get him on medic-aid, a program similar to Medicare.  But, the care you get there is sub standard.  Shawn Allen Wolfe died June 3, 1997, at the age of 11.  His death was caused by a massive asthma attack.  It is hard to say if Shawn would be alive today, if he was given the care that he deserved, but we will never truly know.

My children have always been covered by the insurance my work offers.  They go to regular check ups, and got to a doctors office when they are sick.  ER visits are reserved for actual emergencies. Although,  My oldest son has had two surgeries, and both times the insurance company has tried to stick us with the several thousand dollar tab.  We fought it, and they wound up paying for the procedures.  If anybody in my home develops a long-term illness, I wont be able to change jobs be cause insurance companies won’t cover pre-existing conditions, even though it may be the same company just a  new policy.  I have chcked before to see how much insurance in the private market is, and the price is upwards of $1000 a month.  I just can’t pay that when I make under 40k a year.

So , whats the answer?  My brother died on medicaid, a government ran type of insurance.  Yet, private insurance won’t cover anything serious with out a fight.  Government ran insurance would have budget limits, but on the other hand insurance companies main concern is turning a profit.  Maybe the answer is somewhere in the middle. My stance on it is maybe government should control all prices on goods and services in the health care industry.  Make a flat rate nationwide on everything from band-aids to MRIs to brain surgery.

I know for sure no one person has the right idea for everybody, but something needs to be done.  I just don’t understand how one baby born to rich parents will survive, while the same baby with the same diagnosis born to a family struggling to make it will die is humane.  Thomas Jefferson wrote that “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights , that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” We all have the same right to live, no matter if you are a tycoon or a vagabond.

My plea is a simple one.  To the 435 United States Representative, and to the 50 United States Senators, please get the ball moving.  I am not saying fix it all right now, but throw us a freakin’ bone.  All the liberal democrats, you need to start  compromising, not everything in your bill is going to help America.  More so, the republicans need to stop using scare tactics and come up with their own proposal.  Now class, don’t your remember this is how you lost the ‘08 election?  You concentrated on scaring the public with Islam, Nuclear holocaust, and Black superiority.  Please,  there are only 486 that will decide the fate of 300 million.  Please I implore you to do something that will give us hope.

Some Food For Thought…..